I haven't posted an update about my life in, well, maybe ever? So, I thought I'd catch everyone up on me, and more importantly, begin a discussion of my summer travel plans, which will hopefully include several (maybe all?! - interrobang!) of you...
Spring was kind of depressing with lots of rain in Eugene and rejections from all of the US grad school programs to which I'd applied. I basically didn't leave my apartment for most of March, and I'm sorry if I a little bit fell off the grid (even more so than usual, which is saying something) on checking in with you guys. I don't think I handle rejection well :) BUT I did eventually get my act together and applied to my backup plan school, which is in Scotland. They let me in (yay!), though I think it has more to do with being an American who will pay than with me being awesome, but I'll just have to prove I'm awesome once I get there, I guess.
Anyway, if I can manage the logistics of passports, visas, and financial aid (and that's a big if, given my repeated demonstration of a lack of logistical talent), I think I'll be moving to Aberdeen in early September. I have a friend living in the UK right now who said it's the 'ass end of nowhere', so that's something to look forward to. Though, I have experience living in many ass end of nowhere type places, so it's probably ok.
I'll be working on a one-year Masters of Letters degree in their Celtic and Anglo-Saxon Studies Department, which will hopefully result in me being accepted into PhD programs by all of the schools that just rejected me :) I'm not completely sold on this being the best career move, but I am excited to be doing Celtic Studies in a real academic setting, instead of just reading Wikipedia articles about it.
Nick was offered a job with a sports betting company doing data analysis in Curacao (off the coast of Venzuala) in December. He was supposed to start in May, but he is currently STILL waiting on the visa process, so it's a little unclear what's happening there.
He and I had a pretty big talk a few weeks ago, and decided that we're in very different places regarding kids. He wants them; I don't -- which is kind of a deal breaker. It's something that neither of us were very certain about when we first started dating, but it's becoming more and more of an issue (you know, with the biology and the aging). So, I guess, long story short, we've decided that, when we go our separate ways for our respective careers (though, I'm not sure you can call what either of us are doing a 'career move'), it will probably be best to call it quits.
It was a hard decision, and I think we're both pretty much not dealing with the emotional fallout right now. I'm very good at compartmentalizing (Nick -- not so much. Plus, tomorrow is the anniversary of his dad's passing away, so if you think of it, maybe shoot him a FB message or email to let him know you're thinking about him).
Anyway, all of that means that neither of us have really dealt with the logistics of this summer. However (and after all of that depressing-ness, I'm going to start on the good things :) ), we do have a trip across the country to plan! We need to drive the dog and the car back to NC, which I'm super excited about. We haven't picked an exit date, yet... BUT I think we will be leaving Oregon sometime in mid-July. I'm currently looking at either the 11th or the 18th. My plan is to drive up to Seattle, then to Glacier National Park, then Yellowstone. I think that will take about a week, or so.
Then it's time for quadlings :) I hope to head down through Boulder, then Las Cruces, then San Antonio (then New Orleans and Miami to spend a week with the sibling, sibling-in-law, and nephew, and then on to NC). But I figured I should check in with all of you to make sure you'll be in your homes and that you're able to host Nick, Zigs, and me.
So, I guess Nicky, Abby, and Erica: What do ya'll's schedules look like for the 3rd and 4th week of July? Is there a time that is super inconvenient for us to show up (do you even want us to show up :) ), and what are work/family schedules like? Also, consider the fact that we'll have the dog (who is getting super mellow in his old age). I know that Stokar are pretty much only free to hang out on the weekends, but I'm not sure about the Tilley-Manuliks and the Abby/Sean situation. If we show up mid-week, how inconvenient is that for you? Right now, I'm only planning to spend one full day (2 nights) with everyone, as we kind of need to keep moving. Don't feel like you have to spend all of that with us, if it doesn't work out with life schedules. If it only works out to couch surf and have dinner with you, I'll take what I can get, as I am super homesick for the Quad (especially with all of this life upheaval).
Please, feel free to let me know if it doesn't work for us to visit. My feelings definitely won't be hurt, though I will be sad to miss you. I know this is semi-last minute (as is almost everything I do), and it's summertime, and there might be vacation plans and other commitments in the works. Once I hear back from you guys, I'll send out a draft of our travel plans.
For the rest of you MD/VA-based folks, I think we'll head up to DC sometime in mid-August. I can't be much more specific than that right now, but I will definitely keep you posted. Please, let me know your summer plans, too, so I can try to factor that in when we're planning our trip up there.
I'm sorry for the somewhat depressing nature of this update. 2014 has been a pretty tumultuous year so far in McSpadden-land. But I am so happy about thoughts of (hopefully) seeing all of you (and Jayne and Evie and Kellen!). I love and miss you all so much and think of you pretty much everyday -- even if I'm horrible about every form of communication. Can't wait to hear from you guys about the summer!
Mwah!
~E.
PS For those of you see him regularly, Nick and I haven't really had a chance to talk to Kelly (or Kate/Erek) about the whole eventual break up situation. I feel like this should come from us, so maybe don't mention it to anyone outside of the blog (and Becca Z -- I'm going to email her, too), yet.
Bit, Cameron, and Kellen
6 comments:
Hey beautiful red-headed superhero: I'm so incredibly excited for you to spend a year in Scotland, become yet another quadling to have earned an advanced degree, and launch this next stage of your career. Please please please come to SATX!!! We have nothing to do and nowhere to be the last two weeks in July after we return from visiting the Tilley-Manuliks in CO on 7/15. FYI I'm off Friday July 25. Matt may be out of town with his dad scuba diving somewhere, but I'd love to hang out with you and Nick.
Hey lady- Any updates on the travel sched? Matt and Ray are trying to convince me to go with them for part of their trip... Please be the reason that I can't. xoxo
AHHHH!!! I totally pulled a McSpadden and didn't communicate for a long time! So sorry; I should have totally known that an Erin post would mean big news.
Okay! On to responding to your post.
1. Congrats on the Scotland thing, Erin! The U.S. rejections kind of sound like a blessing in disguise. Um, studying Celtic stuff on the Emerald Isle?? You're about to be living your dream! Go you!
2. Way to be mature and not co-dependent. Totally huge change, not going to be easy. It's amazing though that you are able to see your vision for your own life as something more than what your relationship can provide and to HONOR THAT. It speaks to your and Nick's mutual respect for each other, too, that you can encourage the other's following of his/her own path even if it means not being together. Do you wish you could talk about it more openly? Do you feel okay about ignoring the elephant in the room ("not dealing with the emotional fallout") or is it easier to just let the idea of separating sink in slowly? How are you feeling NOW (versus when you wrote this, 3 weeks ago)? Disclosure: I might be doing a bit of projection here. See #3.
3. I'm in the same boat, though an inflatable kayak to your yacht. There were a couple of incompatibilities that arose in the Abby-Sean situation that inspired me to encourage him to tour full time. The prospect of kids, and conflict in eventual parenting styles, was certainly one. We're living together until August, and I'm hoping the friendship component of our relationship will keep things light ("Let's enjoy each other's company while we can!" -me). Incidentally, (and I hope I'm not spilling any beans, though I'm under the impression that this is information safe to communicate to Quadlings) Becca and Jesse are also joyriding in yacht Horizon Breakup, so you're in good company. Funny how this has all coincided. Call any time for an empathetic and loving ear. We can have a glass of wine together via. Skype. :)
4. A few months ago I bought a plane ticket to fly to North Carolina on July 15th. I'll be there until the 29th. Is there any way you could come through Las Cruces after this??? I would SOOOO love to see you and Nicky and Ziggy! We could all sit around and talk about what it's like to be living like a couple when we know we're about to break up! JK, awkward! Or maybe cathartic, I dunno. Anyway, this is my big summer vacation, and I won't be back til the 5th week in July. Please come then, unless it totally screws up everything else for you. Then come when you want to and you can stay here and Sean will be totally hospitable. He has friends stay here all the time. In fact, tomorrow night two of his buddies from Chicago will be here.
5. I texted you a frantic message before I started writing this, to indicate that I was responding. Please let me know when you read this and let's see if we can't get together! I surely hope so. Surely, Shirley.
Much love, McSpadden, much love.
Thanks for the inspiring post Abby. I'm so sorry to hear about you and Sean :(. It is interesting that three of us are going through the same thing and ending things around the same time. Jesse will be permanently moving to California at the end of August/beginning of Sept. It's very sad for us, but I don't see our views on kids as compatible-I want kids, he does not. Since we have come to that decision we have continued to live together in harmony and we have continued to enjoy each other's company in a very romantic way. We can talk about things openly and even joke about it sometimes, and cry about it. This last year together has probably been the best year of our relationship which makes things even more difficult. But I'm sure both of us will ultimately be better off. The weirdest thing was to meet people at a party and tell them we are breaking up in a few weeks. Anyways, we should all have a skype date with wine :).
Erin, I live in Luray, VA now. I live 2 minutes from work now, its really nice! If you are driving from NC to DC, Luray is on your way to DC. Let me know if you think you will make a stop. Can't wait to see both of you! And Erica and Nicky in Sept!
I keep trying to post from my phone and it doesn't work! Sorry I have been out of touch on here!
I am sorry to hear about the tough decisions the three of you had to make, but I am proud of you for staying true to what you want! I hope for minimal scariness and sadness for you and maxiimum excitement and fulfillment!
I'll be here in MD all summer except for July 25th to Aug 2nd. (Taking the baby on her first vacation to Canada, yikes!). I have off for the summer until August 18th. After that I will be working but still around for visiting.
I love you all!
P.s. Abby, you sound like a great counselor! Even via the web!
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